We gamers are all too familiar with the feeling of “I have nothing to play.” It’s such a silly problem, the same with “I have nothing to wear.” My closet is full with clothes of all types, colors and fits. I got options for every mood, situation or weather. It’s the same with my gaming catalogue. I have Shooters, MMO’s, adventure games. Single player games, multiplayer games. Sandbox games where I can roam around for ages, and simple card games which conveniently can distract my mind for a while. It’s such a first world problem. I always hate myself a little while i scroll through my Steam catalogue and feel nothing but emptiness inside. I have plenty of games to play, but I’m not in the mood for anything particular.
I recently asked someone: “If you could do anything you want at the moment, what would it be?”
“Anything at all?” He asked.
“Anything. Everything is possible.” I answered. He thought for about a minute, his eyes pinned to the ceiling.
“I wish I could watch every movie again for the first time.” He finally said, and I laughed a little. Then, after I gave it three seconds of thought, I shrugged, understanding what he meant.
The sensation you have when you experience your favorite game for the first time is hard to top. You venture into a whole new world with childish excitement, exploring every nook of this new adventure. You are so sucked into the game that you ignore your text messages and the hungry cries of your cat. You even put your toilet visits on hold. When you finally bear yourself to go to bed, you cannot sleep. You lay awake for hours, staring into the pitch black ceiling, thinking of things you could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done in game. Or what you will do tomorrow when you play. Or both. You can hear sounds from the game when you’re in line at the store, your trolley filled with instant noodles and Mountain Dew. You accidentally call money “gold” when paying. You become an anti-social, smelly wreck. A shell of the old you. But you are happy. Oh, so happy.
Even if others might have a problem with you and your new game-love in your honeymoon phase, soon you start to get problem as well. When the game is finished, you might spend some more time going back, starting over or trying something different. If it’s a game without a story that you’ve fallen in love with, you can still get the same feeling. That happy, giddy feeling slowly seeps off of you, leaving you feeling… Empty, almost a bit numb. You finally shower, cook a normal meal and call your mother. Things slowly goes back to normal.
This has happened to me more times than I’d like to admit. My most vivid memory is regarding Fallout 4. At that time, I couldn’t really afford the game. But I had to have it. So I bought it, and ate dustbunny-soup for an eternity afterwards. And I was smitten. I’d played previous Fallout games, so the feel of the game was nothing new to me. But I was glued to the computer for days. I only moved to feed the cat, pee, get IRL fuel or catch a few hours of sleep. I was a disgusting lump of mega-nerd.The game was everything I’d hoped it would be, and more. But after a few days I had to get back to reality. I went back to my classes and left my beloved post-apocalyptic adventure at home. After that, I kept playing. But just a little. The game had sort of lost its appeal in a way. That first amazing high of the new, mind-blowing game was gone.
I’ve done the same with other games. I played the living hell out of Stardew Valley for example. It quickly became top three of my most played games ever. I loved it. It was amazing. I never wanted to leave my little farm. But again, after about a week I just stopped playing. I’ve tried multiple times to get back into the Stardew grind again, but I just can’t. I start the game, play for 10 minutes, get bored and close it down again. It just doesn’t feel the same as it did the first time. So now my library is full with good, exciting titles that I basically never touch. I look for that tingling sensation, the curiousness I possess when I enter a new world.
I have no explanation, I simply blame my restless nature.